Thanksgiving With the Buttertons or: Our Cow Kicked Your Turkey’s Butt. Or: Mama’s Fine Wine Buying Advice

Prime Rib for Thanksgiving Dinner.  Perfection.

I’ve finally been revived from my food coma long enough to blog a little about my wonderful family and the great Thanksgiving we shared.  We are a family largely made up of food lovers, so each occasion is usually marked by and centered around some sort of feast.  And usually there is lots of butter involved.  And Fritos.  My Dad once joked to Amy and I that we are lucky our names are not Little Debbie and FritoLaya.  We are, however, Buttertons.  Damn-Near-40-Year-Old Buttertons.

Bacon Flavored Green Beans

Amy and her husband Jeff were gracious enough to host our Thanksgiving Feast at their home in Amarillo, and instead of turkey and dressing, they rocked it with a Prime Rib, Bacon Flavored Green Beans, and Twice Baked Potatoes.   

Bleu Cheese Sauce

And I do mean Rocked It.  That Prime Rib was a thing of beauty. Perfectly cooked, tender, juicy goodness.  Makes my mouth water just to think of it.  Amy whipped up a delectable bleu cheese sauce to go with it, as well as an Au Jus that I could sit and eat with a spoon. Heck, I could drink it with a straw, it was that delicious!! Probably because of the wine that was in it. 

Surprise!  My sweet sweet Sissy.

I learned something very important about wine that day.  I came toting a bottle of wine that my friend Tammi introduced me to called “Red Electra.”  It is a California Muscat wine, and it is sweet and a little bubbly.  I thought my Sweet Mama would like the flavor of it, so I mainly brought it for her to try.  She does not always care for the darker reds that my sister and I like to partake of on occasion. 

Since Mama is not much of a drinker, I was taken by surprise when she looked at the bottle and declared, “This wine doesn’t have enough alcohol in it.”  Huh?  Hadn’t even crossed my mind to check the alcohol content, and here she is telling me it’s too low. 

“Whattaya mean it doesn’t have enough alcohol in it?  How much is it supposed to have?” I inquired. 

“Well,” she informed me, “I always buy my wine according to the alcohol content.  This stuff only has 5%.  That’s too low.  See this bottle I brought?” She hoisted a bottle of  $5 White Zinfandel and peered at it’s label. “This is good stuff, it has almost 11%.” 

My sister and I looked her and busted out laughing.  “So that’s how you tell the good stuff, huh?” we asked.  She started laughing too. My Mama has the best laugh, especially when she is laughing at herself.  Her whole face laughs, and you can tell she is on the verge of laughing herself into tears.  It makes everything funnier, and it is one of my favoritest things in the wide world.  Mama’s laugh.

I could sort of understand her thinking behind shopping for the highest concentration.  She was taking the "quantity vs. quality" approach.  I guess buying wine to her is like buying skeeter spray; instead of choosing your product based on scent or flavor, you just look for something strong enough to kill a small hummingbird.

Half Apple Pie

With our wonderful dinner down the hatch, it was time for Dessert Round One. (There are always multiple rounds of dessert when you’re a Butterton.) Mama had made some beautiful pies: chocolate with the most beautiful calf slobbers on top, a delicious pumpkin pie complete with whipped cream, and a Half-Apple Pie.  Now, when she brought the pies in and announced that she had made my brother in law a “Half Apple Pie”, I was a little confused.  I assumed that it was half filled with apple pie filling and maybe half filled with cherry or something else that would kinda go with apple.  I had never seen her do this before, but it seemed somewhat logical.  Turns out, what she was referring to was the fact that it only looked like she had used half the amount of pie filling.  The top crust on the pie had somehow sunken in, so that the pie had a concave look to it.  So much so in fact that Dad thought it was just an empty pie crust waiting for the filling.  I thought it was genius, because it made for more crust, my favorite part.  I think I will start requesting Half Apple Pie every year from now on.

After Dessert Round One usually comes game time, so we can work up an appetite for Dessert Round Two.  We love to play games, especially Mama.  And she cheats at the games she’s bad at.  Makes the rules up as she goes along.  Peeks at the trivia answers when nobody’s looking.  Skips her board game pieces ahead a few spaces.  When she’s good at a game, she plays for blood.  Slams down doubles on a Mexican Train just to see if you can back it.  Shrieks in delight for you to “PUT YOUR PENNY UP!!!” when you can’t.   That’s why it is so  much fun to beat her when you can actually get it done. 

We were trying to decide what to play when I remembered a game I had seen advertised called “LOGO”.  It looked like fun and I guess I was drunk on Au Jus because I suggested that we head to The Wal Mart and see if they had it.  Now, most people who know me know that I despise The Wal Mart.  Only go when it’s absolutely necessary and usually in the middle of the night.  But here we were, only hours shy of the beginning of Black Friday, making a trip into the belly of the beast.  I was sure that we would need bail money.  Or Valium.  We got there and the parking lot was packed but not completely  full.  Amy and I left Mama in the car and headed in to face our fate.  We walked through the doors dodging customers with flat screen TV’s and 362 boxes of Christmas lights.  Dread welled up in me like a fist in my stomach. I despised these people for no reason other than them being present at the moment.

We stepped into the store and lo and behold, there it was, not 20 feet in.  “LOGO” in big white letters on a red background.  My heart skipped a beat. I was practically giddy.  Could it be true that we could walk right in and it would be there for us on a silver platter?  I grabbed a box and we sprinted for the checkout stands where another Thanksgiving miracle awaited.  A green light beckoned from above one of the Self-Check Registers.  Not a soul was near.  I didn’t even have to argue with the recorded voice when it told me to Please Place The Stupid Item In The Freaking Bagging Area.  Just slapped the barcode against the glass, swiped my debit card through the machine, and raced out of the store.  Not one bit of anxiety, no cussing, no waiting.  I was truly Thankful. 

I  hope all of you had as joyful and happy a Thanksgiving as we did.  I am blessed with the most wonderful family, and even though I make fun of ‘em a little here and there, I truly do thank God for them. 

Pilfer the Pantry: Frittata with Tomato, Green Chile, and Cheddar Cheese

Two of my favorite things in the world are food and photographs.  I guess it only makes sense that these two loves would eventually merge.  Lately I've been cooking stuff just so I can photograph it.  And then I eat it up.  And I might mention that I usually cook fattening, indulgent comfort food.  Maybe I should develop a love for photographing exercise instead…

Two of my least favorite things in the world are The Wal-Mart and The Grocery Store.  Because of this, I find myself resorting to cooking up things using just what I happen to have on hand at the moment.  This can make for some interesting (i.e. scary and/or disgusting) meals.  But it can also make for some pretty darn good ones.   Today's example:  actually, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm going to call it a Frittata.  Because the more you say Frittata, the funnier it sounds.  Frittata Frittata Frittata. Hee hee hee.

*(NOTE:  Instead of flipping the frittata and risking breaking it in the process, you can try this:  Preheat oven to Broil.  Cook frittata in oven-proof omelet pan.  Once egg is completely set on bottom but still slightly runny on top, sprinkle with cheese and place in oven under broiler until cheese is melted and egg is done.)

Ingredients:

3 eggs

1/4 of a medium tomato, chopped

1 canned green chile, drained and pressed with paper towel, then chopped

1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Instructions:

Beat three eggs and stir in tomato and green chile.  Pour into 8 inch nonstick omelet pan sprayed with nonstick cooking spray.  Slowly cook on medium-low heat so as not to overcook bottom of frittata.  Once the frittata is completely set on the bottom and easy to slide around in pan, sprinkle with shredded cheese.  Slide spatula beneath frittata and flip so that cheese side is face down in pan.  Cook until cheese is melted and begins to cook into a crust. *(See Note Above!) Flip entire frittata out of pan and onto plate  so that it is cheese side up.  Cut into wedges and serve.

The Lust List: 3 Things

I like things.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it. It may be materialistic, but I don't care.  I like beautiful, fabulous, amazing THINGS! And most of them are way beyond my budget. So I stare longingly at photos and youtube videos of these things, and now from time to time I am going to tell you a little something about them. It's a List of Lust.  Here goes.

Gucci Bamboo Corset Heels. These have been around for years.  Tom Ford is a genius.  There is something about that flesh colored satin that I love.  Very sexy.

 

Resonator Guitar (Dobro).  Hope to move this one off the Lust list and onto the Love list soon.  Been practicing slide guitar on my Washburn acoustic with a 5/8 socket for a slide.  Think I'm bout ready to move on. Of course mine won't be as gorgeous as this beautiful all metal contraption, but I should have a starter dobro soon. I've been good all year.

ICON 4x4 FJ-40. A custom built, Teflon coated, $100,000 offroad machine. Awesome.

I'm Gonna Show You My Jelly Roll

See this thing?

This is a Jelly Roll.  Someday I am going to turn it into a quilt.  I started working on it today.  I would have photographic evidence had I thought to put a memory card in my camera.  My Sweet Mama is teaching me how to make this into a quilt.   We worked together for hours today and not once did either of us throw a Duree Fit. She showed me how to sew the strips together, set the seams, cut the blocks. And she introduced me to my new best friend the Seam Ripper.  I do not care for the Seam Ripper at all, but it looks like we are going to become very well acquainted. 

I was never very interested in making a quilt until recently.  I think it just never occurred to me that I could actually do it.  Quilting was always my Mama's thing, and she is very gifted at it.  I think she is just about the best quilter whose work you ever laid eyes on, and I'm not just saying that because she's my Mama.  People who know her always ask me if I quilt or when I'm going to start.  For years I have told them that I don't want to make them, I just want to own them.  And that's the truth, I would own as many as I could fit in my house.  They are beautiful and warm and cozy and comforting.  And my Mama's are the best. 


Here's proof.  She made this for me:

                                                  


















And this:

And she made this for herself and Dear Ol' Dad but I stole it:

One day on a recent trip to Missouri, we stopped in a little quilt shop just south of Joplin.  I've been in a gazillion quilt shops with my Mama, and while I have always loved the fabrics and the way they feel on the bolt, the different patterns and how they coordinate, I had never considered looking into making something out of them myself.  Then I saw the Jelly Roll.  This particular roll was comprised of the most beautiful fabrics.  All perfectly coordinated.  And it looked like someone had handpicked them to match my living room décor.  I picked it up and loved the way it felt in my hand.  The fabric was silky to the touch and it seemed so elegant!  I wanted to buy it and just keep it all rolled up in its perfect little bundle, just set it on the coffee table and look at it. 

I told Mama that I loved it and asked her what it was for and she explained to me that it was a roll of fabric strips that you sew together and then cut apart and sew together again to make a quilt.  And then she told me that I could do it.  I COULD DO IT!  It was like a revelation.  How had I not realized this before?  I can make a quilt.  So she bought me the Jelly Roll and told me I can do it. And I'm gonna.  And she is going to teach me because she is the best Mama in the world.

Wanna Be As Good As Dos Queso

There once was a Mexican food restaurant in my hometown that served the most wonderful Chile Con Queso.  And they were stingy with the recipe.  Wouldn't even give a hint.  So stingy in fact, that even now, years after they shut the doors for the last time, the real recipe is almost impossible to come by.  A former hostess, a waitress's sister, a friend of a cousin of the high school sweetheart of the owner's sister's best friend; several people have given me suggestions, hints, and opinions as to what goes into this particular queso. After several experiments, I have come closer than ever to replicating the taste and texture.  It still lacks the creamy quality of the real thing, and I believe that's due in part to the fact that most restaurants use something called Land 'O Lakes Extra Melt Process American Cheese, a "performance" cheese, which according to the Land 'O Lakes website "maintains appearance, texture and taste for hours." Unfortunately this is only sold as a foodservice item which I have not been able to get my hands on without ordering 30 lbs. at a time.  From what I understand, this is the cheese that was used in the famed queso.  I heard it from my Mama, who heard it from her hair dresser, whose daughter used to date the son of the guy who cooked enchiladas when the regular enchilada cook was on vacation.

Here's how I did it.  

INGREDIENTS:

One pat of butter

Half a large yellow onion, chopped

One loaf Velveeta Queso Blanco processed cheese

One can whole green chiles, chopped (canned pre-chopped always have too many stems and skins)

One medium tomato, chopped

Cubed Chicken Bouillon

Using a double boiler (or a pan nested inside another pan of boiling water in my case), melt a pat of butter and add chopped onion.  Once onion is slightly cooked, begin to add chunks of Velveeta Queso Blanco, letting each chunk melt a little before adding more.  Stir repeatedly throughout process. 

Stir in chopped tomato and green chiles.  Add one cube of yellow Velveeta if desired for yellow color.

Add one chicken bouillon cube to 1 cup of hot water and dissolve.  Add this to the cheese mixture in small amounts to thin as desired.  If you end up making it too thin, you can add cornstarch to thicken without affecting the flavor. 

Continue to add all ingredients until you reach the desired amount of product. I recommend keeping it on the thin side, as the dang Velveeta will cause it to thicken up after you take it off the fire.  And if anyone knows where to get their hands on some Land 'O Lakes Extra Melt, please share!!